5 Things You Should Never Say to a Cop Who’s Pulled You Over for Weed

In the event that you are pulled over by police or highway patrol — have a little common sense. “I pay your salary” is the opposite of what you should say to a cop.

In the event that you are pulled over by police or highway patrol — have a little common sense. Delivering needless banter to authorities like “my buddies on the force aren’t going to like this,” or, “I pay your salary,” or any other typical smart-ass remark will not get you out of a ticket. Rather, it’ll likely solidify a fine. 

Whether we like it or not (and we certainly do not), law enforcement has power over us. You can’t win an argument with the cops, and lying just triggers the authorities even more. Furthermore, any perceived insult to police will provoke them and guarantee that a DUI, DWI, or whatever punishment will be issued if any laws have been broken. If you remember the show Cops, then you know exactly what we’re saying: The entire show is basically a collection of examples of what not to do.

Related: Photos of Cops Smoking Weed

Routine traffic stops can become particularly problematic if you have loud, smelly weed in the car. According to the Pot Brothers at Law, if you’re caught in an illegal situation with weed — such as a dispensary raid — you should just “shut the fuck up.” The same logic applies for all traffic and highway stops, too. The Pot Bro’s viral video encourages weed smokers to say as little as possible to cops because they are trained to detect lies. In other words, say as little as possible so you don’t incriminate yourself. 

Again, don’t dig your own grave. Gut punch your pride and toss any unnecessary attitude out the window because it’ll only make the situation worse. Implementing a touch of common sense is easier said than done, but it will help drivers avoid saying stupid, incriminating things that could lead to heaps of debt — or worse — jail and debt. That’s why we crafted a list of the top five videos showcasing people acting a fool after police pulled them over. Because sometimes we need specific examples of what not to do to define how to behave in certain situations. So take note, friends: Keep shut your mouth and plead the goddamn fifth when dealing with the pigs.

“Do you know who I am?”

There is no amount of privilege — white, male, or straight — that will convince a cop you’re above the law. Caren Z. Turner, the commissioner of the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, is a prime example of unnecessary antagonistic behavior (read: the opposite of how one should act) towards the police.

When a car with Turner’s daughter and three others was pulled over, Turner spoke to police officers, whipped out her trusty gold commissioner badge, and said, “Do you know who I am?” The situation, which was caught on camera, escalated and the commissioner said to the cops, “You may shut the fuck up!” Eventually, the car was impounded despite Turner’s objections. After the video went viral, Turner resigned from her esteemed position as a commissioner and ethics Chair because of her behavior and display of entitlement.

“I can’t blow into the breathalyzer”

Sure, we’ll give this woman points for creativity. But when a cop puts a breathalyzer to your lips and asks you to blow, and then you sit there holding your breath, the cops are going to fuck with you. And saying “I can’t blow” isn’t an excuse, which you’ll see in this video from RBT Australia — a shining example of how not to get out of a DUI. 

This cringe-worthy but hilarious video involves an Australian woman who pretends she’s unable to blow into a breathalyzer, while the cop gives her several chances to do it right. After flailing around, the young (drunk) woman finally blows into the device and tries to give the police officer a high-five for accomplishing the task. The charade obviously didn’t last long, and she was arrested for driving while intoxicated. In Australia however, the punishment for a DUI can result in a $1,600 fine, up to 12 months suspension of driver’s license, and six demerit points. Seems relatively mellow compared to America’s DUI system.

“I don’t smoke,” she said, reeking of weed 

In Calvert County, Maryland, a smug police officer pulled over a young couple who had apparently hotboxed their car to the degree that it “reeked” of weed. If you are clearly baked out of your mind in a car, “I don’t smoke” isn’t going to work in this situation. The Pot Brothers at Law recommend that drivers avoid talking to cops and also avoid giving them permission to search the vehicle or premises. Furthermore, the devices that detect THC for weed DUIs are not accurate — though there have been recent advancements in the tech— and there is no precise way of properly determining how much time passed from when someone smoked and when they were pulled over. Just because a cop can smell cannabis, it doesn’t necessarily indicate that a driver is high. That said, this incident from April 2017 demonstrates why lying to police is just a waste of time, and may make the situation worse, depending on how much of an asshole the cop is.

“I know my rights. I know my rights. I know my rights.”

After being pulled over, this particular citizen cited the 18th Century Articles of Confederation, which was ratified and replaced hundreds of years ago, chanting “I know my rights” over and over again. (She didn’t.) Admittedly, this isn’t the worst thing that can be said to cops. But police officers don’t usually bow to any sort of intimidation, whether it was implied or not. Turns out the police force didn’t care how much she knew about her rights. Resisting arrest didn’t help her out either, and she was handcuffed and placed in the back of the cruiser. Don’t challenge police officers over your rights, unless you know what your rights are. Chances are, due to their training, they probably know more than you do.

“You gotta smoke a bowl with me please.”

Last but not least, don’t invite police officers to join you in a smoke session, especially when there are other potential crimes involved. In the town of Bunnell, Florida, a man wearing short shorts flagged down police officers on patrol to proudly show off the two-foot weed plant on his property. In Florida, while medical cannabis is legal for qualified patients, home cultivation is illegal and considered a felony. The cops obliged and took a peek at his plant, then, unsurprisingly, they placed the man under arrest for cannabis cultivation. Don’t incriminate yourself by exposing felonies, like this confused Florida man. Inviting the police officers to smoke weed probably didn’t help his case either. It’s always important to educate and update yourself on state laws before inviting police officer over, and no cop who is on duty is going to smoke weed with you.